Slimcado bites the big one

26 Jul

Raise your hand if you love avocado.

If I could see you raising your hand, I would high five the bajeebies out of it! I LOVE AVOCADO. I once ate a whole one like an apple (sans skin and pit.. gross). I put them on sandwiches, salads, pasta, cereal…… okay, not so much on cereal but I seriously love these super-foods.

Let’s discuss the Slimcado. Yes, I said SLIMcado. From the words of The Grub Report:

 “A hint: if they spell “light” l-i-t-e, you know it’s going to taste like s-h-i-t-e.”

Yeah. That report is totally right ( or should I say rite?). A few days ago, Gram comes home with this weird looking fruit and said “I think I got you an avocado but it looks like a mango”. She was quite perplexed. I looked at the label to see “Slimcado” on it, and gave it a squeeze. Totally not ripe.

blurry piece o' crap

Time warp to this morning. I knew the thing was ripe, so… I took a knife and sliced the top of it.

Fake fruit looking "normal"

I bit into the slice. I chew… I chew…. I then almost vomit from the lack of taste. It was like having a tasteless piece of matter that was slimy and just gross.

Here’s my deal. AVOCADO IS SUPPOSED TO BE FATTY! They are FILLED with Monounsaturated fats which are super healthy for your cardiovascular system. So this poses a question: WHY MAKE A SUPER FRUIT THAT IS NATURALLY HIGH IS HEALTHY FATS ALMOST FAT FREE?!?!?!! That’s like taking the love and sugar out of ICE CREAM! Or CUPCAKES!! WHO WANTS TO EAT A SUGARLESS CUPCAKE?!?!?! ….Don’t answer if you’re a diabetic. Sorry.

I seriously need to calm down when it comes to avocados. I go coo coo for cookies when it comes to these beauties.

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